Written in the style of Bell Hooks – a new writing challenge for V
To speak of femininity is to wade into a swamp of contradictions, built on the shifting sands of patriarchal desire. It’s not a natural state or biological imperative. It’s a performance; a learned script written in the language of patriarchal domination. We are taught, from the day we emerge, to embody a certain softness; a yielding, a receptivity that mirrors the very structures that aim to contain us.
This is a performance. It’s a doing of femininity. And it’s not all lipstick and lace – although these are potent symbols. It’s about the subtle – and often insidious – ways we’re coerced into prioritising the needs and desires of others over our own. Our voices are silenced, our intellect diminished, and our bodies constantly policed. We’re told that our worth lies in our ability to please, to nurture, to reflect back to men an image of their own power.
As depressing as that is, that’s not to say that there’s no space for joy; for beauty and connection within our collective femininity. But, we must actively interrogate the source of that joy and question the terms of our connections. Is it freely given? Or is it extracted through manipulation and control? Is it rooted in a genuine self-love, or in the desperate pursuit of external validation?
Equally important is the commodity as a form of oppression. We’re bombarded with constant imagery of ‘the ideal woman’ – a fantasy designed to sell us products; to keep us perpetually insecure and to distract us from the real work: dismantling the patriarchy. We are told that we can buy our way to liberation; that a new shade of lipstick or a new pair of jeans will somehow erase the deep-seated wounds of misogyny.
However, true liberation can’t be bought. It can’t be found in the pages of magazines, or in the fleeting approval of the male gaze. It can only be found in the reclamation of our own agency, in the radical act of naming our own truths.
In reality, we need to resist the pressure to conform and fit ourselves into the narrow boxes that patriarchy has created for us. We need to embrace the complexity of our own experiences; the contradictions that make us who we are – and love ourselves for it. We must create spaces where we can speak freely, where we can support each other, where we can challenge the very foundations of the systems that seek to oppress us.
Femininity as it’s currently constructed is a tool of oppression. But it doesn’t have to be. We have the power to redefine it, reclaim it and transform it into a force for liberation – and we can see it happening already. We are creating a femininity that is rooted in self-love and mutual respect; and in the unwavering commitment to justice.
This requires a radical shift in consciousness and a willingness to challenge the deeply ingrained assumptions that shape our understanding of gender. It requires us to listen to the voices of those who have been marginalised and to amplify the experiences of those who have been silenced.
It’s a difficult and ongoing process, but it’s an essential one. We want to create a world where all women are free and able to live fully and authentically. To truly understand femininity, we must first dismantle the structures that have defined it – and then build from scratch, on the foundation of our liberated selves.