Written in the style of bell hooks – a new writing challenge for V.
In the realm of contemporary discourse, the concept of masculinity remains a battleground. It’s a space where the weight of tradition clashes with the urgent need for transformation. To speak of masculinity is to speak of power, vulnerability and the intricate ways in which both are shaped by the treacherous architecture of the patriarchy.
Traditional masculinity, as it has long been constructed and enforced, is a rigid edifice built on the foundations of dominance, stoicism and emotional repression. Men are taught, from their earliest years, that to express vulnerability is to betray their inherent ‘manhood’. They are told that strength lies in the suppression of feeling, and in the ability to conquer and control. This enforced emotional austerity creates a profound sense of isolation; a silent suffering that festers beneath the surface of the so-called strong male persona.
It’s crucial to recognise that the patriarchy – while seemingly designed to benefit men – ultimately harms them deeply. The demand for constant dominance – and the suppression of emotions – creates a cage for them, rather than the throne they were led to believe they’d sit aloft. Men are therefore trapped within a narrow definition of themselves, unable to explore the full spectrum of their humanity. Men are actively denied the language of healing, the capacity for genuine intimacy and the freedom to be vulnerable. This denial breeds a deep-seated alienation and this leads to them being disconnected from themselves, as well as others.
This alienation presents itself more accurately in relationships. Toxic masculinity – the extreme and damaging manifestation of traditional masculine ideas – poisons the well of connection. It breeds a culture of possessiveness, control and emotional unavailability. Men who have been taught to equate vulnerability with weakness often find themselves unable to form healthy, reciprocal relationships. As such, they resort to dominance and aggression, asserting power rather than cultivating intimacy.
Toxic masculinity consists of objectification and control. Women (and sometimes other men deemed lesser) are reduced to objects – they’re conquests whose autonomy is entirely disregarded. The fear of vulnerability (which is what breeds toxic masculinity) translates into a fear of intimacy, which leads to emotional detachment and the ability to truly connect with another person. This creates a cycle of pain and disconnection, where both men and their partners are left feeling isolated and unfulfilled.
Moreover, the pressure to conform to rigid masculine norms often leads to violence; both physical and emotional. Men are taught that aggression is an acceptable outlet for suppressed emotion. This often leads to domestic violence, sexual assault and other forms of abuse. The inability to express vulnerability in a healthy way manifests as destructive rage, further perpetuating the cycle of harm.
Dismantling toxic masculinity requires us – as a society – to challenge the very foundations of traditional masculinity. We can do this by creating spaces where men can explore their emotions, express vulnerability and redefine what it means to be a man. From a young age, boys should be taught that strength lies, not in suppressing feelings, but in the courage to embrace their feelings. This, in turn, requires us to foster a culture of empathy and respect within our interpersonal relationships; one where men are free to be their authentic selves, without fear of judgement or ridicule.
This transformation requires the collective effort of all of us. Women should support men in their journey towards emotional liberation, while also demanding accountability for harmful behaviours. Men, in turn, must be willing to confront their own internalised misogyny and embrace a more expansive and compassionate understanding of masculinity.
The path to healing, truly lies in the recognition that vulnerability is not a weakness at all. It’s a fundamental aspect of human strength. By embracing our shared humanity, we can break free from the patriarchal chokehold and create a world (even just in our own lives) where everyone, regardless of gender, is free to live fulfilling and authentic lives.